Alzheimer's and Money Management

My bank balance was in turmoil. Fortunately the bank said I have more money in my account than my Money Manager program said. After two days of searching, I still can't see what went wrong, but I'm not ready to give up on handling the finances yet. Hubby, when I married him, had such a mess going on financially. It was not easy, but I finally got everything under control. I haven't allowed him, nor has he wanted to, to have much say as far as our money management. He looked absolutely panic stricken when I told him it was getting very difficult for me to do some of these things, so I need to just take my time and remember to approach these things in the morning when my brain is a bit more in control.

Yesterday we had a handyman come out to help us pick out new security and storm doors for our home. We were working on my iPad together and I placed the order. This morning, as I looked at the order on my computer, I could see that just about everything was wrong. Was it me? Was it him? Was it the website? I tend to blame my Alzheimer's for everything that goes wrong, but I'm not convinced that this is so. For instance, now that I look at how Home Depot arranges their website, I think it was him (making me order handles when the door already comes with handles) and the website (that showed the color I wanted was not available but I found it on another screen as available) this time. And, I think the program for my money is wrong as it is showing a negative balance for all of last year (which I had reconciled perfectly all last year and was never in the negative), not me or the bank. So, I just added the extra into the program as an "error" and now I jive with the bank. Sometimes you just have to adapt and move on.

I'm sure this is boring info, but since nobody reads this, it is helping me to put it down so I can let it go and move on. 

Mistakes happen. That's why there are erasers on pencils.

On a positive note. I have taught myself a somewhat new to me technique in weaving. Adding beads. And, it turned out, after a few tears and choice words, perfectly.

Accidents Happen with Alzheimer's

Smacked my head on the kitchen island again. Didn't tell hubby at first as his response is always that I should do this or that to prevent whatever. Right.  Like, if I put a sign up I'll remember? Like, if I think before I act this won't happen? Advice like that makes me want to scream. Does anyone really think I do these things on purpose? So, when he saw me touching my tender head,  he started with the "You need to" crap and I immediately shut him down. Not like me to do that as I need him by my side, but he is just going to have to start learning more about Alzheimer's if he is going to be helpful. 

I also cut my finger badly. Again, I haven't share with him for the obvious above reason. I accidentally left my glasses on the bed overnight....I walked into the bathroom in the dark on the wrong side of the wall and walked right into it. I lost the bird's food but finally found it in the freezer. I started a crochet scarf and now can't remember how to continue. I tried to do reservations for a trip Online and messed everything up when I got confused by the dates. It took me over 7 hours, several phone calls, and a lot of tears to get it straightened out. All minor stumbling blocks that only I can see, because you know, I really don't have Alzheimer's. Several days of testing by a professional must be wrong.

Either people insist that I don't have Alzheimer's or they just run away from whatever proves that I do. So frustrating. I wish (if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride is what my first husband always said) that I had someone who actually hears what I'm saying and understands what I need. It's a lonely journey.

On a brighter side, I can see that there are some viewers to this blog. Probably from Instagram? Anyway, it is a positive. And, I have been busy learning Brooks Bouquet and adding beads to a scarf on my loom.

Instagram, Tarot, and Alzheimer's Unite

My Journal Nook

Determined to be of help in dispelling incorrect beliefs about dementia and Alzheimer's, I've decided to toss the card maker image of my past life and promote the tarot loving, hobby rancher, weaver me that has evolved over the past three years since my diagnosis. 

Since no one has been able to find this blog, I added it to my profile on Instagram where I am hoping to make new friends with others who share my passions. If you found me through Instagram, welcome. If not, a link back is: jeanchaneyaz https://www.instagram.com/jeanchaneyaz/

Alzheimer's - Don't Give In

Today has me thinking about sounds. Loud sounds like drums, airplanes, trains are music to my ears. I grew up in a small town in NJ where, with no air conditioning, we slept with the windows open. Each night I fell asleep to the sound of the Hawthorne Caballero, a Championship-winning drum and bugle corp that practiced in a nearby park. I wound up with two sons and one of my husbands (yes, more than one, but that's a story for another time) who were drummers. I never could get enough of listening to them. My current husband was a Chief Master Sergeant in the Air Force, 30 years, and is also in love with the sound of a roaring jet. The sound of freedom he calls them. Why the love of these loud sounds? I don't know for sure but they are something that I can feel throughout my whole body. I'm not sure anything else does that.

I also love wind chimes. Very soothing. And, I lovingly recall the of the sounds, when dozing on a blanket on the beach, of the ocean waves crashing, the boardwalk cacophony of muted sounds, the squealing of little children running from the waves, the sound of pounding feet as they walked in the hot sand. I know I will never see the ocean or hear these sounds again, so they will have to remain a precious memory. 

Sounds I don't like? The sound of an air raid signal terrifies me. I believe that I lived during the second world was and had to deal with that sound. I believe that that is actually how I died, from a bomb. I can remember the sound and feel the separation of my body and soul. I also, never having driven a stick shift vehicle, found myself trying to shift my automatic car when I was first driving. I also seem to have a fascination with Hitler and have read/watched just about anything I can about him trying to grasp at how/why it all happened. Still no clue though.  

This is a photo that I took last week with another disaster caused by my inability to follow directions. If I did not have Als and dementia I would have come to the conclusion that I just didn't have the ability to be a weaver. However, my diagnoses just makes me very stubborn and determined. So, on I go and now I have something that will look nice and is well done. 

Don't ever give in.

Dementia Determination

When you weave a pattern, you must be able to count correctly. Obviously that is a skill that is being challenged. I suppose many would just through up their arms in despair and give up. Not me. I am learning not to be so hard on myself. Say a few cuss words, walk away, and take things apart. Sometimes it takes several days to do a step that would take a "normal" person a few hours, but that's just the way it is now. I'm retired, I have the time.

I'm making some (insert to say that I am having trouble remembering what they are called, but I will pause until I can tell you).......placemats for the kitchen island. When I finish, and I will, I will post them for you.

Alzheimer's - Don't Fall for Everything You Read

I had to laugh when I tried to look up my blog in Google. Google says it doesn't exist. Guess I'd better bookmark it so I can find it even if nobody else can. That's okay though. I'm hoping my family and friends don't stumble across this anyway as I'm sure they would not be pleased. But, I was hoping that others with Alzheimer's/dementia would be able to find it and that it would encourage them to plow forward instead of focusing on the negatives that they read on the Internet or what their ill informed doctors tell them. 

This rant reminded me of all the places I went to when I was first diagnosed to find something, someone, anything to make help make sense of this. Actually, the Alzheimer's official groups are quite dismal for us. Good for those poor caregivers that are stuck with us though. So, I joined a couple of Facebook groups. I left one almost immediately as all the posts were from caregivers complaining about how horrible their lives were because they had to deal with terrible behaviors on the part of their charges or loved ones. Their lives were ruined and they were so miserable. They each came with stories of some incident to frighten me even more of my future. So, I found a group that was just for those with Als or Dementia. Perfect, I thought, until one member was so upset at her diagnoses that all she could post about was was to end her life. Really? Well, not one to mind my own business, I proceeded to advise her to focus on the things that she could do instead of the things she couldn't. I guess I really hit a nerve though and got blasted for thinking that someone should actually find something positive in life. I left that group as well. Now, the only one I follow is Gail at the Too Young For Dementia blog (https://dementiaalzheimers.home.blog/) because of her positive and upbeat approach. Between the two of us (and there may be more, I hope) we will change the face of dementia. 

On a lighter note; One of the things I went back to recently is weaving. I realized that it requires a lot of math and so, after a 10 year pause, I pulled out my looms. Amazing that I had forgotten absolutely everything about how to weave😏 But, after many tears, many unprintable words, loads of frustration and walking away, I am back on the path (thanks to all the YouTube videos and helpful Online groups). This is the start of some dishcloths. Loving this addition to my daily list of "must do's".