Post is NOT for everyone sensitive to death relatred to Alzheimer's

Who knew there were so many kinds/causes for dementia? I have the run of the mill Alzheimer's for which I am grateful. 

PLEASE DO NOT READ FURTHER IF THE CONVERSATION OF SUICIDE OR EUTHANASIA IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD FIND DISTURBING    

Robin Williams was one of my favorite comedians. His works made you laugh and yet cry at the same time. His life was like that as well. When he discovered that he had one of the severest forms (Lewy Body, a more aggressive cognitive decline with a more impaired life that can include hallucinations,  paranoia, confusion, and a shorter survival time) of dementia, he ended his life. Good for you, Robin. He knew he didn’t want to live that way or for his family to remember him that way.

Not to think I am thinking of following in his footsteps, no, fortunately I do not have this awful form of dementia.  Having Alzheimer’s though has made me much more aware of the eventualities that can befall some of us. For some, ending life while still able to control one's functions, to know one's family, to be more than a vegetable should be a given choice. I get very angry when we know it is time to put down our pet when he/she is in pain, but for some reason won't allow humans the same dignity. 

I'm happy to see that some state, Oregon, Washington, and Montana have begun to allow active euthanasia, a choice to be given a lethal drug to allow death. All states allow passive euthanasia (death from the patient refusing food, water, treatment) yet this can be lengthy and painful.

Not sure what took me here today. I was writing a post for my Instagram about laughter and came across a quote from Erma Bombeck. “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” So, my thoughts went to Robin. 

Hope this hasn't upset anyone. Just my rambling thoughts. 

On a lighter side:  

Here is Loki. We found him abandoned when he just over a week old, we think. We've had him for almost a month and now he weighs over a pound and is thriving. 

 

Shame on the Alzheimer's Society

Oh my. Have you seen the new promotional video from The Alzheimer's Society called "The Long Goodby"? It is such a disservice to all who have the disease as it just tells us of how we will repeatedly die and make our families miserable. I posted the following response to their video:" I have dementia and Alzheimer’s, and I must say this video was horrible. What a disservice to those of us, who are working hard to educate the public about the fact that a diagnosis of either does not mean impending death it means learning to adjust. Shame on you."

On Facebook a reader responded this was: "Jean Chaney It's absolutely horrendous for everyone who has Alzheimer's to see this, makes me so angry. My mum has Alzheimer's and I'm dreading her seeing this one, such a negative, scary proposition. She was so anxious with the last one." 

As if this isn't hard enough to deal with we have to have the Alzheimer's society pushing such drivel. No wonder so many with dementia turn to suicide. Geez!!!!

 On a lighter side: I spent a week with my friends and family in Arizona and after I returned we had guests from Canada and, later today I have a friend from Arizona coming to stay. Life is good. I refuse to die on your schedule, Alzheimer's Society! 

And, spring is here and the farmer's market is bursting with goodness.

 

Numerology and Dementia

Always on a hunt to explore new things I have become interested in numerology. Today I got an email inviting me to explore the meanings of my numbers in relationship to my life path. (It's very simple: you take your birthday of month, day, and year. Total all the numbers and then reduce. For example: 5-27-1909 would be 5+27 = 32 0r 3+2 + 5; 1+9+10 plus as 9 = 19. 1+9 = 10 reduces to 1. Then that 1 gets added to the 5 to be a life number of 6.)

Anyway, I did mine, and came up with number 5, and began to read how adventurous I am and how I embrace change and enjoy visiting different places and cultures. I thought "this is nonsense" I am nothing like that. Until I realized that I simply can't add anymore and redid my numbers to the number 4! Yes, spot on, exactly me: practical, disciplined, hardworking, with a strong sense of responsibility. I am very organized and reliable and very resistant to change. (I was also warned not to become too controlling or rigid in relationships, HAHA!)

Anyone who knows me knows that's exactly who I am. My ex mother-in-law, with whom I am still close, was amazed at my sudden decision to move to Texas. She didn't think I had it in me. Well, Alzheimer's has made me a bit more prone to making quicker decisions as I am aware of the time limits that are now imposed on me. 

Does it really mean anything? Who knows. It does give me another area to learn more about and explore (from within the confines of my safe home. No venturing out to places unknown with people who don't speak my language and eat weird foods!).

You don't have to wait for a diagnosis of anything that tells you your life expectancy has suddenly got a timeline. Have fun learning new things. I'm having a delightful time playing with all of this, new to me, world of the occult. (Occult means "beyond understanding". It does NOT mean devil worship...geez!)

On a lighter note:

Spring. Hoping for peaches that we can eat before the wasps get to them.

A New Doctor - Alzheimer's Blog

One of the most annoying thing is having medical professionals argue that you certainly don't have Alzheimer's even though I went through extensive testing with a neurologist. Fortunately, hubby and I decided to change primary care physicians to a local doctor and he actually accepted the diagnosis. He did say that it was not anything he could have noticed but listened carefully as my husband assured him that you just have to live with me to see the decline. It is a slow decline, thankfully, but one that both he and I are painfully aware of. 

I know there are some kinds of dementia that has a very fast decline. There are some kinds that cause all sorts of physical ailments as well. If one has to have it, the kind I have is the kind to get. Not that anyone has a choice though. 

I'm preparing for a trip out of state soon to visit with my grown children and grandchildren. I was able to set up the flight this time by myself without any issues at all. Yesterday I even got a call about what services I might need and would up spending the next half hour chatting with the agent about her aunt who has early onset Alzheimer's and became non-verbal very quickly. I am grateful that I could give her some good advice and made her smile a bit alone the way. It is a harder journey for the loved ones I suppose than the person dealing with the disease. 

Spring is beginning and my garden, small as it will be, is ready for planting. I don't think I ever really wanted to have a garden but hubby, smart as he is at knowing that people with cognitive decline need things that force them into activity daily. Not that I ever run out of things to do already with dogs, cats, birds, chickens, sheep, a husband and a house to care for.

Several days ago one of our friends was hospitalized and was clinically dead for over 25 minutes. They were able to resuscitate her, but they told her husband that since she was gone for so long and had no response to any stimuli at all that she would never go home. He was already getting ready to pull the plug when yesterday she awoke and actually knew who he was. You just never know.

On a lighter note: 

Here's our pear tree welcoming spring.

Anxiety and Dementia

A friend, who also does an Alzheimer's blog, posted a photo of the skin surrounding her fingernails which, due to anxiety, she has picked on severely. She still has lovely fingernails though. I couldn't even think of posting a photo of my fingernails, or lack of fingernails, and the chewed off skin surrounding them. Horrifying! She said that she believes it is the dementia that is causing the anxiety. I responded to her blog post to say, "Well, why wouldn't we be anxious?". We have no playbook. Nobody can tell us exactly what is going on since it appears that everyone with this disease has a different set of symptoms and a different timeline. We read that we could be dead in 5-8 years once diagnosed. We read horror stories of people who are so disoriented that they wander, forget to eat, shout at loved ones. So, we wake each day wondering if this is the day we can't remember our family and friends. Tomorrow maybe? Maybe we'll get hit by a bus before that ever happens? Anxiety? You bet.

I do try not to live there. I try to remain positive. I try to ignore all the things that get my panties in a bunch all day long. Today I found myself screaming because I couldn't figure out how to untangle the sheets. This morning I had done my taxes.... by myself... dealt with hubby's doctor issues over multiple phone calls.... all by myself. I was exhausted. Tangle sheets were nothing, but to me it was something I could finally scream about. Literally, I screamed out loud for several minutes. It did make me feel better.

On a lighter note:

Here's a photo of a low carb blueberry cheesecake that I made. Yum!

The Slow Decline of Alzheimer's

 I did it again. I thought I'd paid one bill but sent the money to another company that I didn't even owe money to. Then, last night when I got up to use the bathroom I found myself in the other bedroom wondering why I was there. I can't balance my checkbook anymore and have added a payee of "error" to fix it several times a month. I can only hope that the bank know what it's doing.

I only post these things to kind of keep track of the progression of the Alzheimer's. Not looking for sympathy or another suggestion on how to keep things straight. All the lists and double checks on what I am doing don't amount to a hill of beans (wonder what that means anyway) in the end. I can only try my hardest and then just accept that as my best. 

I have also been trying to learn, as my doctor instructed me to learn new and difficult things, astrology. My oh my, I think I could learn a foreign language easier. Sooo complicated. I can't understand half of what I'm reading. But, I won't give up. Persistent I am to say the least. 

On a lighter note. Here's a pretty picture of the last full moon.

I've always love the unique look of dead trees. Like many fingers using sign language to communicate. I've always loved the moon the symbolizes our intuition and inner dreamlike thoughts. Perfect combo. 

Just a Ramble From a Traveler with Alzheimer's

I recently did my DNA and the results were very interesting. They verified to me that I have been correct in my feelings that I am of gypsy blood. Now, I understand that the term is often thought of as derogatory, but in researching it I have found that many Romani, travelers, still use the term with pride. It's a shame, to me at least, that words can now be thought of as an insult. I do understand though and will try, I really mean try, to banish the word from my mouth. But, never from my mind as I will always identify as a gypsy.

A Gipsy Family - Facsimile of a Woodcut in the "Cosmographie Universelle" of Munster- in folio, Basle 1552 -Public Domain

Looking at my background and the areas where my DNA originates, I can see the wandering nature of my ancestors as they traveled Eastern Europe, Russia, Hungary, the Balkans, then through Germany to Denmark, Finland, and Wales to find acceptance. Of course, they never did find acceptance. Why? I suppose it's the same today. If you refuse to spit out what everyone else believes in you are then an outcast. 

Knowing this, I am reminded of the mournful voice of my grandmother's singing that was so beautiful it would bring tears to my eyes. The persecution, the family ties all bring up memories of lives past. I understand my love of riotous color, warm comfort food, ponies, laughter, and children. I can follow the stars on my journeys as they did in their glorious wagons pulled by horses. When I pull out my tarot cards, bang a drum, or say good morning to the sun I am glad to have come from humble beginnings with the strength that it must have taken to stand strong in beliefs that weren't shared by all. 

This has nothing to do with Alzheimer's or dementia, or does it? I think I am trying to put my place together in my mind so that when I pass over it will be more recognizable to me. Easy the transition so to speak.

Beginning to Panic - Alzheimer's Blog

Beginning to panic. 

I get very confused when dealing with money these days. I was looking to see which credit cards need attending to when I saw that I had paid one credit card three times instead of paying three different credit cards. It is good to find that, if I say that I have Alzheimer's, many companies are kind and transfer me to an agent who has the authority to help. Fortunately, even though I have to wait a week to the funds, I was able to straighten things out. 

Last week I almost burned the house down when I forgot that I was boiling chicken for my ill puppy. I suddenly saw smoke, then flames coming from the stove. I only burned a pot and the chicken though and not the house. (Puppy is fine now.)

However, several of my doctors insist that I do not have Alzheimer's. Of course, they do not have to live with me and see the mayhem that I am able to create in a short time. Thankfully, I can still realize and then fix most of my errors. But, one day I will not. Maybe then they will come to agree with the full diagnosis that I received from a Neurologist. (Can you tell how frustrated it makes me when anyone, particularly a doctor who should know better, insists that I don't have dementia?)

Edited: This was a note I got from my niece when I told her the above story: I’m so sad for you with the frustrations you must be dealing with. Does this type of thing scare you or do you just shrug and move on? To be honest, if it were me, it would scare me and frustrate me. I feel awful for what you’re dealing with .

This is how I responded to her: First it scares me, then I get angry, then  forgive myself because there’s nothing can do about it, then I move on 

She then wrote back: That sounds right. There is nothing that you can do so just be kind to yourself. You didn’t do anything to be dealt this hand.  Maybe you were given this path to help others with your insight. 

I love this girl!

On a lighter note, we had twins born the other day. So cute!

Witchcraft and Alzheimer's

I posted the blurb below on a Facebook group that I belong to today. I was thinking about it and wondered why I am reluctant to actually post about my witchcraft activities here. Judgement? Should I care at this point in my life? I'm not trying to change anyone else's beliefs, just being joyful that I finally found the truth.

Here's what I posted:

Having been diagnosed about 4 years ago with Alzheimer's put me into a spin. My doctor advised me to find something new to learn and keep the progress in a slow down state. Not really sure how Tarot jumped into my path, but you must know the rabbit hole that took me down into runes, iChing, astrology and such until I discovered witchcraft.

I do have a blog about this journey. I'm not really too brave about posting the witchcraft beliefs because I'm afraid of scaring off those I'm trying to reach. I do post more on Instagram though where I am jeanchaneyaz. 

 

(This is a photo that I played with using Procreate and Pixabay. I do not have long hair, lol! The only part of the photo that is "me" is the face.)

 

 

 

Just a bit of pondering about Alzheimer's

 I went to the grocery store today and an older gentleman commented about the high price of meat as we pondered what was affordable in that section of the store. I had a package of something that I thought was quite reasonable so I showed it to him. We began chatting when I said that it was just enough for my husband and me for one dinner. He said that he was now alone as his wife had recently passed from dementia. He had put her in a home for the last month of her life as she had been increasingly difficult to deal with. She had become angry and accusatory. It took four year to reach that point though. As we chatted we talked about how old age gets us eventually and that we don't get to choose what kills us. He was angry at the fact that the newest drug for Alzheimer's won't be available for another year. He seemed to think it was a cure. However, from what I've read, it's just another way for drug companies to make money feeding of of people's dreams. 

Anyway, I left the store thinking about my husband. Will he have to care for me? Will he have to have me put away because I become too difficult to deal with? Or, will outlive him? I think all we can do is live each day to the fullest without worrying about those things. There's nothing that can be done so what's the point. 

I got a call from my doctor's office this morning. Something about my cholesterol levels being bad. Should I care? I'm dying anyway. Shouldn't I just enjoy that cookie? Questions and no answers. Last time I was there he said that I shouldn't worry. Now the call says I should. Make up your mind medical community. 

I have enough trouble thinking without adding making decisions regarding things that are too confusing to think about.