A New Doctor - Alzheimer's Blog

One of the most annoying thing is having medical professionals argue that you certainly don't have Alzheimer's even though I went through extensive testing with a neurologist. Fortunately, hubby and I decided to change primary care physicians to a local doctor and he actually accepted the diagnosis. He did say that it was not anything he could have noticed but listened carefully as my husband assured him that you just have to live with me to see the decline. It is a slow decline, thankfully, but one that both he and I are painfully aware of. 

I know there are some kinds of dementia that has a very fast decline. There are some kinds that cause all sorts of physical ailments as well. If one has to have it, the kind I have is the kind to get. Not that anyone has a choice though. 

I'm preparing for a trip out of state soon to visit with my grown children and grandchildren. I was able to set up the flight this time by myself without any issues at all. Yesterday I even got a call about what services I might need and would up spending the next half hour chatting with the agent about her aunt who has early onset Alzheimer's and became non-verbal very quickly. I am grateful that I could give her some good advice and made her smile a bit alone the way. It is a harder journey for the loved ones I suppose than the person dealing with the disease. 

Spring is beginning and my garden, small as it will be, is ready for planting. I don't think I ever really wanted to have a garden but hubby, smart as he is at knowing that people with cognitive decline need things that force them into activity daily. Not that I ever run out of things to do already with dogs, cats, birds, chickens, sheep, a husband and a house to care for.

Several days ago one of our friends was hospitalized and was clinically dead for over 25 minutes. They were able to resuscitate her, but they told her husband that since she was gone for so long and had no response to any stimuli at all that she would never go home. He was already getting ready to pull the plug when yesterday she awoke and actually knew who he was. You just never know.

On a lighter note: 

Here's our pear tree welcoming spring.

Witchcraft and Alzheimer's

I posted the blurb below on a Facebook group that I belong to today. I was thinking about it and wondered why I am reluctant to actually post about my witchcraft activities here. Judgement? Should I care at this point in my life? I'm not trying to change anyone else's beliefs, just being joyful that I finally found the truth.

Here's what I posted:

Having been diagnosed about 4 years ago with Alzheimer's put me into a spin. My doctor advised me to find something new to learn and keep the progress in a slow down state. Not really sure how Tarot jumped into my path, but you must know the rabbit hole that took me down into runes, iChing, astrology and such until I discovered witchcraft.

I do have a blog about this journey. I'm not really too brave about posting the witchcraft beliefs because I'm afraid of scaring off those I'm trying to reach. I do post more on Instagram though where I am jeanchaneyaz. 

 

(This is a photo that I played with using Procreate and Pixabay. I do not have long hair, lol! The only part of the photo that is "me" is the face.)

 

 

 

Like and Subscribe

Sorry about the title. I just couldn't help myself. Hubby has become addicted to YouTube and I cringe each time I hear them say that. Not that I don't understand. But, I'm not making a penny with this blog so no need to like OR subscribe 😄

No sleep last night. I'm sure you've all had those nights when something on your mind becomes something you can't slow down for anything. Have you ever actually thought of all the things you have learned, accomplished, attempted, enjoyed, in your life already? Well, that's the journey I was on last night. Each time I thought of something, more would pop up. What a roller coaster and joy this life has been. Sure there have been derailments along the way but I was always able to get those wheels back on the track and keep going.

In this life I have been a wife, mother, grandmother, teacher, office administrator, student. I have taken the role of a librarian, artist, nurse, counselor. I have raised or cared for dogs, cats, birds, chickens, sheep, salamanders, turtles, guinea pigs, snakes, hamsters, raccoons, rats, mice, gerbils and ..... in my life. I have learned to cook, sew, spin, play guitar, play piano,  crochet, knit, weave, keep a clean house (well, mostly). I have added learning tarot, iChing, runes, crystals, scrying, oracle card reading, astrology, numerology, drop crystals, and I see no end to this journey. I hope anyway. 

All this came about when I was notified last evening that an article that I had written for the Cartomancer Magazine was in the Fall 2023 issue and ready to be shipped out. I had written about my journey with Alzheimer's and how learning divination had helped me. Now, I get to add "author" sort of to my list, LOL! 

Hope you'll all have a chance to read it. It is available as a digital download if you are interested. If not, my feelings won't be hurt. I understand that my journey isn't necessarily everyone's journey.

Confusion with Alzheimer's

There I was moving laundry from the washer into the dryer and suddenly I found myself moving the wet clothes back into the washer. What do you do? Laugh, cry, get angry. I suppose any of those would be correct. I just sigh, and then move everything back into the dryer. Some days are like that where I do things backwards or out of order. I used to get very angry. Then I learned to laugh. Now thought I only sigh and redo things as necessary. It's just part of the process. Part of my day. Part of who I am. But, I always remember that it is not all of the process, not all of my day, and not all of who I am. And then I can smile and enjoy the rest of the day.

On a lighter note: We have some good friends that invite us to go along when they hunt dove. Hubby enjoys shooting the birds too and whatever he shoots he gives to them to cook up. They love to eat them, but us, well, not so much. 

I go along just to get outdoors and away from the computer, chores, and all the things that keep me from just relaxing. It's good to go outside without an agenda, breathe fresh air, and calm the soul. 

The Suddeness of Death

A man in our town, who actually was our plumber, was killed in a car wreck. I am feeling kind of lost. I didn't know him well, but, since I lost one of my sons from a motorcycle accident it brought up again how life is so fragile. Here one moment and gone in the next. It is very difficult to comprehend. 

Fortunately, I do have certain beliefs that make this easier as I don't really feel that anyone dies, just changes composition. But, there's still that wonder of what they are doing right now, what do they think of there time here, or, well, I don't even know what else to question.

There are no answers. There is no proof. Yes, a lot of people have different beliefs and faith that works for them. I spent years blindly following that faith without question. but the more I study, the more I realize how organized religion had duped people into not thinking for themselves at all. I'm grateful to have had my diagnosis because it sent me on a search to learn more about who we are and about our life's purpose. I suppose most of us just think about the "me" of it but I've come to understand that we are all one in spirit. We must love one another and strive to be all that we can. To help others, to be kind, to care for mother earth. 

We can't control what created us or know why we were created. We can only know that each of us is here for a purpose. It is important to seek out that purpose. And, when we have fulfilled our purpose, we are taken back to reflect, learn, and do better the next time around.

I'm sure that my thoughts will be a big turn off for most. It's just my opinion, as you have yours. We are all entitled to our opinion as long as we don't force it on anyone else. This is just my rant, my rave, against that which I do not understand. 

Peaceful view out my front window.

I Used To Know How to Do That.

One of those days. I got all jazzed up about doing a knit scarf. It's supposed to be easy. First, I pulled out my interchangeable needles only to find that I had forgotten completely how to put them together. No problem. Off to YouTube. Several videos later I still had no idea. So, I picked out a pair of regular circular needles. Then, I took a skein of yarn and proceeded to use my yarn winder to make a working cake. HA! That was a disaster. But, after a tune I was able to figure out how to get it right and I had my ball of yarn. I just can't remember, after a million times, how to cast on though, None of those videos are making any sense either. I decided to just do the simple cast on (which isn't very good) go from there.  Now, it was time to begin. Well, I have been "beginning" all day. Nope. Not happening.

Do I give up? Should I push myself into near hysteria? Neither seems to be a good option. So I will just try again tomorrow. Some days are just like that.😟

Even trying to type this has been amusing. I am skipping letters, mixing up the order and forgetting where I was going with my thought. Please forgive me if this is jumbled.

On a brighter note, we discovered that our dog is actually a black Belgian Malinois. She has such goofy ears and even though she is very smart, she has a few quirks. Reading about the dog traits however has show that it is just part of her nature so it will be easier to understand. She doesn't care if I can't remember how to do things. As long as I remember when it's dinner time, and I don't think she's likely to forget to tell me! So grateful for her.

Alzheimer's and Money Management

My bank balance was in turmoil. Fortunately the bank said I have more money in my account than my Money Manager program said. After two days of searching, I still can't see what went wrong, but I'm not ready to give up on handling the finances yet. Hubby, when I married him, had such a mess going on financially. It was not easy, but I finally got everything under control. I haven't allowed him, nor has he wanted to, to have much say as far as our money management. He looked absolutely panic stricken when I told him it was getting very difficult for me to do some of these things, so I need to just take my time and remember to approach these things in the morning when my brain is a bit more in control.

Yesterday we had a handyman come out to help us pick out new security and storm doors for our home. We were working on my iPad together and I placed the order. This morning, as I looked at the order on my computer, I could see that just about everything was wrong. Was it me? Was it him? Was it the website? I tend to blame my Alzheimer's for everything that goes wrong, but I'm not convinced that this is so. For instance, now that I look at how Home Depot arranges their website, I think it was him (making me order handles when the door already comes with handles) and the website (that showed the color I wanted was not available but I found it on another screen as available) this time. And, I think the program for my money is wrong as it is showing a negative balance for all of last year (which I had reconciled perfectly all last year and was never in the negative), not me or the bank. So, I just added the extra into the program as an "error" and now I jive with the bank. Sometimes you just have to adapt and move on.

I'm sure this is boring info, but since nobody reads this, it is helping me to put it down so I can let it go and move on. 

Mistakes happen. That's why there are erasers on pencils.

On a positive note. I have taught myself a somewhat new to me technique in weaving. Adding beads. And, it turned out, after a few tears and choice words, perfectly.

DementiaTurns Grateful

 Grateful for: HANDS

I don't suppose we think of this often, but for some reason, that's where my thoughts went today. I think I noticed that my left hand fingernails were ragged and just a mess as I use my hands as tools for gardening. I often will watch my dog play, using her mouth to catch a ball, and wonder what she would do if she suddenly had hands to catch instead. I think of other animals without hands, like fish and birds and remember how I've felt sorry for them, even as a child, as they lacked hands to things that seemed to me important. There are some animals that do have hands. Little rodents holding a treat and nibbling away captivate me. Gorillas, monkeys, and apes have hands, but don't captivate me at all. I wonder why? 

I have used my hands to comfort a child, wipe away tears, play music, bake, turn pages of a book, use a keyboard, and now, when my hands can't seem to tie a knot or hold a cup in place I know not to blame my hands. Arthritic and dealing with pains they still will do most things that I command them to do....except when I can't command. Losing some simple, everyday, uses of my hands makes me angry. I can scream out loud (as long as no one is around), curse the universe, (actually I usually direct the anger at myself), but it doesn't help. Walking away, calming down, and waiting for tomorrow still works most of the time. 

 

 

        Sometimes I have to just learn the skill all over. 

        Time consuming, but I still have time. 

        Grateful for hands. 

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