Alzheimer's Nightmares

Nightmares. I suppose we all have them. But, I have read that those of us with dying brains have them more. I think I can agree to that. I have the crystals that are supposed to protect me from them next to my bed. I dutifully sage my sleeping area. I think positive thoughts before slumber, yet there they are haunting me yet again. I know all about keeping a Book of Shadows. I understand journaling. I know all about talking things out, yet, they persist. 

Maybe I need to make friends with these demons. Maybe I need to learn to laugh at their shenanigans. Sometimes, tired as I am, I don't want to fall asleep. 

When I was younger I would dream constantly of going back to college but I was always lost and missed the class. It was a constant dream. One day, an old friend appeared in the dream. She said, "I know you're scared to do this so I will walk you to the class to get you started." When I awoke I called a current friend and asked her if she would consider going back to college with me herself. I was delighted that she would. We went and enrolled at the same time. I never saw again her at school, as we took different things, but that's all I needed to get me going and I would up with a Master's Degree in Higher and Adult Education.

I suppose I'm just going to have to wait it out until someone pops into my dreams to help me find a way out of this recurring nightmare.

On a lighter note. Spring is here. The garden is blooming. Lambs have gone to market. Kittens are being born to out barn cats. I got to take a delightful trip to see my family and meet my newest grandson. Life is good. 

Witches and Alzheimer's

 No, I don't post here often. Nobody reads it as far as I know. I pretty much post Alzheimer's related content on Instagram, jeanchaneyaz, using the Tarot and Oracle cards to jump start my memory.

However, today I was thinking of a dream I had last night. I was dreaming that my granddaughter was talking about some herbal recipes she uses for her dog for his health. I was amazed and told her so and she was beaming. Then, I said, "You must be a witch." And, her smile turned to one of horror. I chided myself as I know people just don't understand what words mean sometimes and I need to be more careful.  They think of TV or movie stereotypes. I had to take the time to teach her what the "real" meaning of being a witch was.... someone who is one with nature, a seeker of truth and wisdom, someone who follows the rules of harm no one. Witches do NOT believe in the devil, satan, or even hell for that matter. They believe in the three fold rule. What you put out there comes back times three. Simple article on Cosmopolitan does a great summary if you're interested. 

This made me think of how people respond when they hear that I have Alzheimer's. Horror, followed by disbelief. They only know of what they've heard or seen in the movies or of loved ones that were at the end of the disease. 

Witches don't wear black hats, fly broom, hex people and have warts on their nose anymore that people with dementia or Alzheimer's are sitting in a corner, drooling, and babbling to themselves. 

Spring has come to central Texas!

 

Instagram to Reach Alzheimer's

I'm loving Instagram where I now post a daily prompt response and use it to mull about my Alzheimer's issues. I don't seem to be reaching anyone who actually has Alzheimer's or dementia (that was my goal), but there seem to be a lot of people who are learning more about what the disease is and isn't from my posts. So, that's a good thing. If you aren't following me on Instagram, take a peek and be sure to read the posts.

jeanchaneyaz

Alzheimer's and Money Management

My bank balance was in turmoil. Fortunately the bank said I have more money in my account than my Money Manager program said. After two days of searching, I still can't see what went wrong, but I'm not ready to give up on handling the finances yet. Hubby, when I married him, had such a mess going on financially. It was not easy, but I finally got everything under control. I haven't allowed him, nor has he wanted to, to have much say as far as our money management. He looked absolutely panic stricken when I told him it was getting very difficult for me to do some of these things, so I need to just take my time and remember to approach these things in the morning when my brain is a bit more in control.

Yesterday we had a handyman come out to help us pick out new security and storm doors for our home. We were working on my iPad together and I placed the order. This morning, as I looked at the order on my computer, I could see that just about everything was wrong. Was it me? Was it him? Was it the website? I tend to blame my Alzheimer's for everything that goes wrong, but I'm not convinced that this is so. For instance, now that I look at how Home Depot arranges their website, I think it was him (making me order handles when the door already comes with handles) and the website (that showed the color I wanted was not available but I found it on another screen as available) this time. And, I think the program for my money is wrong as it is showing a negative balance for all of last year (which I had reconciled perfectly all last year and was never in the negative), not me or the bank. So, I just added the extra into the program as an "error" and now I jive with the bank. Sometimes you just have to adapt and move on.

I'm sure this is boring info, but since nobody reads this, it is helping me to put it down so I can let it go and move on. 

Mistakes happen. That's why there are erasers on pencils.

On a positive note. I have taught myself a somewhat new to me technique in weaving. Adding beads. And, it turned out, after a few tears and choice words, perfectly.

Accidents Happen with Alzheimer's

Smacked my head on the kitchen island again. Didn't tell hubby at first as his response is always that I should do this or that to prevent whatever. Right.  Like, if I put a sign up I'll remember? Like, if I think before I act this won't happen? Advice like that makes me want to scream. Does anyone really think I do these things on purpose? So, when he saw me touching my tender head,  he started with the "You need to" crap and I immediately shut him down. Not like me to do that as I need him by my side, but he is just going to have to start learning more about Alzheimer's if he is going to be helpful. 

I also cut my finger badly. Again, I haven't share with him for the obvious above reason. I accidentally left my glasses on the bed overnight....I walked into the bathroom in the dark on the wrong side of the wall and walked right into it. I lost the bird's food but finally found it in the freezer. I started a crochet scarf and now can't remember how to continue. I tried to do reservations for a trip Online and messed everything up when I got confused by the dates. It took me over 7 hours, several phone calls, and a lot of tears to get it straightened out. All minor stumbling blocks that only I can see, because you know, I really don't have Alzheimer's. Several days of testing by a professional must be wrong.

Either people insist that I don't have Alzheimer's or they just run away from whatever proves that I do. So frustrating. I wish (if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride is what my first husband always said) that I had someone who actually hears what I'm saying and understands what I need. It's a lonely journey.

On a brighter side, I can see that there are some viewers to this blog. Probably from Instagram? Anyway, it is a positive. And, I have been busy learning Brooks Bouquet and adding beads to a scarf on my loom.

Instagram, Tarot, and Alzheimer's Unite

My Journal Nook

Determined to be of help in dispelling incorrect beliefs about dementia and Alzheimer's, I've decided to toss the card maker image of my past life and promote the tarot loving, hobby rancher, weaver me that has evolved over the past three years since my diagnosis. 

Since no one has been able to find this blog, I added it to my profile on Instagram where I am hoping to make new friends with others who share my passions. If you found me through Instagram, welcome. If not, a link back is: jeanchaneyaz https://www.instagram.com/jeanchaneyaz/

Little Billy Gets Lost - and he didn't even have dementia

 Since nobody has found my blog yet, I read that I needed to add "Alzheimer's" to the blog name if I ever expected anyone to find it. I had hoped that I might be an encouraging light for people when diagnosed. Hope this helps.

Do any of you remember the Sunday funnies that had The Family Circus written by Bil Keene? Well, he did several of them of little Billy on his way home from school. He showed a map of all the stops Billy made before he finally reached his destination.

I often think of little Billy as I work my way through a goal. As an example, I have a "smart" watch that reminds me to brush my teeth. It has a snooze option that I seem to click repeatedly all morning long. On the to the necessary teeth brushing, I:

Realized my coffee cup was empty, so I had to refill it

But, there were dishes in the sink that needed washing

The dish soap was almost gone, so I went to the laundry room to get the soap and

Remembered that I had a load of wash to do. So,

To the bedroom to get the laundry, but

Dust bunnies called to be vacuumed.

I did get the vacuum out but first I had to change the bird cage paper before I could vacuum

Which took me outside to the garbage where weeds just shouted to be pulled up.

Yup, typical morning. Part of the morning was also spent looking for the top to hubby's mug. He accusingly flapped it in front of me as I was on the phone trying to change his doctor's apt. Always my fault when anything goes missing these days. Can't say that I blame him; however, he's just as bad and I found it right on the counter where he had taken the mug out to fill it!  

If you have mornings like this, you might be more like little Billy than you though.

Oh, and yes, my teeth are brushed!