A friend, who also does an Alzheimer's blog, posted a photo of the skin surrounding her fingernails which, due to anxiety, she has picked on severely. She still has lovely fingernails though. I couldn't even think of posting a photo of my fingernails, or lack of fingernails, and the chewed off skin surrounding them. Horrifying! She said that she believes it is the dementia that is causing the anxiety. I responded to her blog post to say, "Well, why wouldn't we be anxious?". We have no playbook. Nobody can tell us exactly what is going on since it appears that everyone with this disease has a different set of symptoms and a different timeline. We read that we could be dead in 5-8 years once diagnosed. We read horror stories of people who are so disoriented that they wander, forget to eat, shout at loved ones. So, we wake each day wondering if this is the day we can't remember our family and friends. Tomorrow maybe? Maybe we'll get hit by a bus before that ever happens? Anxiety? You bet.
I do try not to live there. I try to remain positive. I try to ignore all the things that get my panties in a bunch all day long. Today I found myself screaming because I couldn't figure out how to untangle the sheets. This morning I had done my taxes.... by myself... dealt with hubby's doctor issues over multiple phone calls.... all by myself. I was exhausted. Tangle sheets were nothing, but to me it was something I could finally scream about. Literally, I screamed out loud for several minutes. It did make me feel better.
On a lighter note:
Here's a photo of a low carb blueberry cheesecake that I made. Yum!
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