Anxiety and Dementia

A friend, who also does an Alzheimer's blog, posted a photo of the skin surrounding her fingernails which, due to anxiety, she has picked on severely. She still has lovely fingernails though. I couldn't even think of posting a photo of my fingernails, or lack of fingernails, and the chewed off skin surrounding them. Horrifying! She said that she believes it is the dementia that is causing the anxiety. I responded to her blog post to say, "Well, why wouldn't we be anxious?". We have no playbook. Nobody can tell us exactly what is going on since it appears that everyone with this disease has a different set of symptoms and a different timeline. We read that we could be dead in 5-8 years once diagnosed. We read horror stories of people who are so disoriented that they wander, forget to eat, shout at loved ones. So, we wake each day wondering if this is the day we can't remember our family and friends. Tomorrow maybe? Maybe we'll get hit by a bus before that ever happens? Anxiety? You bet.

I do try not to live there. I try to remain positive. I try to ignore all the things that get my panties in a bunch all day long. Today I found myself screaming because I couldn't figure out how to untangle the sheets. This morning I had done my taxes.... by myself... dealt with hubby's doctor issues over multiple phone calls.... all by myself. I was exhausted. Tangle sheets were nothing, but to me it was something I could finally scream about. Literally, I screamed out loud for several minutes. It did make me feel better.

On a lighter note:

Here's a photo of a low carb blueberry cheesecake that I made. Yum!

Family Makes a Difference

Many of us travel a lonely path. Some from illness, some by choice, some from simple neglect. But, in my journey I am fortunate to have many people who truly care for me cheering, usually silently, in the background willing me to move forward. All of my family is now very far away but that's just the nature of today's society. Gone are the days when everyone lived in the same little town for generation. after generation. With Zoom, cell phones, social media, cars, and airplanes, it's easier to stay connected. Well, except for family members who are strongly opposed to all of those things, LOL!

This past week one of my son's came with his long-time partner to visit. We had such a good time. His girlfriend is into tarot and such as well so that made for special bonding time as we made some Witches' Bells and Witches' Balls. My son, even though he doesn't "get it", is supportive of what he thinks is our "nonsense". If it makes mom happy, that's all that matters, right? Good boy. Raised you well!

I think my husband and I amused them both no end with our memory issues. He has cognitive memory decline, so added to my dementia/Alzheimer's, we can be quite the team. It's funny that the one with Alzheimer's fills in all the words he can't remember! Even my son's girlfriend, who has a health condition that is affecting her memory, depended on me to be able to fill in missing pieces. Sometimes I really think that's why my decline had been slowed since I have too many people depending on me to do everything. 

One of our trips took us to Fredricksburg, a German tourist town. Surprise! We found a small shop with tarot cards, witchy necklaces, runes and more. Wow! Made my day. I even got a photo of me with Zoltar!

They gifted me a beautiful leather bound journal that I have been happily turning into a grimoire for the past couple of days. 

I will go to visit them again and the rest of my family at the end of March for 5 days. Life is good.  

(What would I do without my AppleWatch that just told me to take my pills? I have it set for all kinds of things that I would otherwise forget during the day.)